Monday of finals week….Monday, December 13th…..Monday after the pharm exam that I needed a 95% for my A, but got a 89% …..the Monday I blamed the weekend drama on for not getting the grade I wanted nor studying as much as I should have…….the Monday our exam was delayed 2 hours….the Monday I will never forget. I went to Dr. Applegate and peed in a cup by myself (Shannon had to be in Louisville). Go figure the nurse was 4mn pregnant and I just knew that was a sign. The wait in his office was horrific. I tried to study while sitting on the table…I could feel my apical pulse beating out of my chest. I paced the floor and studied hoping that would take my mind off of it….still nothing. I could feel everything creeping up my throat. The thought of me vomiting felt more like reality and was very likely. I just knew what was about to happen. I felt like my heart was about to explode while waiting. Is it bad that a part of me wanted a negative test? I hate even saying it. I feel like that is so terrible to even think, but given the day (right in the midst of my finals) I was already on a high stress, low caffeine, frustrated level. The timing was just bad. I know nothing is perfect and nothing goes the way you plan because God has his own plan but for me, but it was bad timing. I wasn’t “mad” or “upset” because we WERE pregnant….I was stressed and shocked that we were pregnant and I was trying to study for my exams… We chose to not use extra protection and I chose to believe there was no way it could happen this soon. WELL…..in walks the doc…..what does he say: Congratulations-Positive! I was congratulated by a few others and told to make an appointment with my OB/GYN- Dr. Butler. He said if I base it around Nov 1st…conceived @ Nov 13th (hint hint my 30th bday weekend)……I’m about 6 weeks….my due date will be August 7th, 2011. I slowly walked back to my car. My entire body was shaking. Nerves, fear, excitement, I’m not sure. But I couldn’t stop shaking. As steady as possible, I texted Shannon a “congrats, looks like you’re going to be a daddy”. I think we were both in shock to really know what to think. Happy…..scared….nervous….in disbelief a bit … but also thankful that I am able to conceive….
My emotions are a rollercoaster trying to grasp what to do next. Ohh that’s right- study for my 2 exams and quiz I have tomorrow morning and its 7pm. Awesome. This just isn’t my week. So if this is what pregnancy feels like – so far: pain= no fun! Where are all of my friends? HELLO! I do not recall any of you informing of me of this terrible pain one must endure while the uterus is growing. I can deal with the tender breasts and constipation and even gas, but painful, doubled over on the floor, stomach aches are not my cup of tea. Now the question is: How in the world will I be able to hide this from our family & friends for the next 6 weeks especially when most of my PA friends want to go “celebrate” the end of our first year of PA school and New Year’s Eve? Dr. A said to wait until my 12 week mark to tell anyone and Shannon agreed so hurry up Jan 24th. Shannon was convinced I had told Wendy the night I took my home pregnancy test. HA. I swore I didn’t but it made me laugh that he knows I turn to her for any drama in my life. Although yes I wanted to, I knew this was something Shannon & I needed to share together for the time being. This is going to be difficult especially not telling the family at Christmas when we are all together. I guess that’s what the White Coat Ceremony will be for when the family comes back to the house. That should be 10.5 weeks. Good enough for the family (12/13).
I broke down after Powdrill's test. Our last one. Everyone else was heading to Winchell's to celebrate the end of our first year with some yummy breakfast and mimosas. There were 2 reasons I couldn't go. 1) People would wonder why I wasn't getting a mimosa (I'm not even a big drinker is the thing but I'm smart enough to know that when girls refuse a drink ...people become suspicious. I'm more of a glass of wine with dinner or a couple beers at BWs....but still) 2) I was NOT happy with any grade I had thus received on my finals. I couldn't express my reason to any of my professors, but I broke down. Powdrill saw me too. I couldn't tell him why either. I was so mad at myself for not studying like I should, but I was trying to grasp one too many things that week. It was overwhelming and very upsetting. I got 1 more B than I wanted that semester. It still makes me mad. I know I know- a B is still fine but there's a part of me that is just unsatisified with a couple Bs. BLAH!!
I broke down after Powdrill's test. Our last one. Everyone else was heading to Winchell's to celebrate the end of our first year with some yummy breakfast and mimosas. There were 2 reasons I couldn't go. 1) People would wonder why I wasn't getting a mimosa (I'm not even a big drinker is the thing but I'm smart enough to know that when girls refuse a drink ...people become suspicious. I'm more of a glass of wine with dinner or a couple beers at BWs....but still) 2) I was NOT happy with any grade I had thus received on my finals. I couldn't express my reason to any of my professors, but I broke down. Powdrill saw me too. I couldn't tell him why either. I was so mad at myself for not studying like I should, but I was trying to grasp one too many things that week. It was overwhelming and very upsetting. I got 1 more B than I wanted that semester. It still makes me mad. I know I know- a B is still fine but there's a part of me that is just unsatisified with a couple Bs. BLAH!!
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