4 maybe I do like you.....

By the school's schedule, I am only 1 month behind because I started my rotations 3 weeks earlier than everyone.  So when I confirmed my return to clerkships for Sept 26th, knowing Cam would only be 6 weeks starting daycare, I was prepared.  This is something I've known about since I told the program I was pregnant.  I am such a type A, routine needed, planner that I knew I would be ready to return and I was right.  Not that I was ready to leave Cam or have him in daycare per sa, but I was ready for our routine that we would have and to return to my rotations solely because the sooner I return, the sooner I graduate.
WELL....... since the last of the pregnant girls finish in August, the program decided to inform us on 9/23 that the only make-up exam offered will be the August 10th time frame.   So for me, that would mean finish the program @ July 13th...wait a month to take the exit exam....then study/take the CME course (which is only offered Aug 22nd in the month of August that is close to KY) so another month would pass by the time I took my boards.  Too much time off spells disaster to me.    So if I take this month off (which I am now), I would "catch up" to the August graduation people and have another 4 weeks off with Cam.  

So cheers to this number 4 being 4 more weeks at home with cam-a-lam!  Maybe I'll work harder at the 4 hours of sleep considering he sleeps well and Shannon has been putting him down after his 9p feeding so I can get in bed an hour or so earlier!!

Another good thing that starts with 4--as of today I have 483oz of frozen breastmilk I've pumped for future use!!!!

On another note, I'm not sure how common this is for breastfeeding women, but for me it has happened three times in the last 3 weeks. I'm talking about clogged breast ducts!! OUCH! The first time it happened I was fairly certain I knew what had happened; whether that's my being in PA school, instinct, or what. What I wasn't certain on was how fast mastitis could set in. I confirmed I didn't have a fever, my breast wasn't warm to touch nor painful so I felt some relief when I called my OB to ask for advise. Heat (shower, compresses), massaging, nursing and pumping were the answer. Well, it worked!! For anyone that might have this happen, never fear.  Push through the tender pain of nursing and the odd feeling of your breast being hard as a rock. It goes away within 12-24 hours!! 

My big man at 5 1/2 weeks!

4...I loathe you!

I have always enjoyed my sleep.  I have always made sure to get 8 hours.  I have always been cranky if I didn't get 8hr of sleep and breakfast within 20min of waking. 

I have always.... 

Ohhh how I wish I could say I still get my 8hr of sleep.  I guess there's a reason why maternity leave is so vital because I am worthless throughout the day.  I have not gotten use to only getting 4 hours of interrupted sleep!  4 HOURS!!  Come on....who functions clearly on that amount!  Not this girl.  The thing is, Cam is a pretty good sleeper too.  It's the process that takes so much time. 

I feed him b/w 9-10p and pump...put him down (which he fights until 1130-12)...I feed him at 2a.. (so let's see....12-2 ..2 hours of sleep- check).....I'm up feeding/pumping/getting him back to sleep until 3-330a and feed him again at 6...(so 330-6 ....2.5hr of sleep-check)  then it's time to wake up and stay up at the 6a mark.  Fortunately, I have nothing to do so I can take another nap b/w 6-9a but once maternity leave is over...so is that extra 2hr or so. 

I am not sure how single mothers do it.    There are nights I want to scream at Shannon.  Cam is doing his restless best to fight going back to sleep after the 2am feeding and while I'm gently rubbing his back and rocking him from his room, I can hear Shannon snoring.  I'm sure his 8hr of non-interrupted sleep is wonderful.  

For example, the other night was one of those nights.  I fed Cameron around 9:30p and finished the process of pumping, burping, diaper change and getting him to sleep.  I carried him to his swing (which he's still sleeping in at night) and looked at the clock - 12:30a.  UGGGG, I climbed into bed already dreading the sound of my alarm that is set for 2am.  The sound came sooner than I wanted, I hastily climbed back out of bed to wake my little man to feed him.  It's now 3am, he's back to sleep and I'm laying him in his swing (mind you Shannon is sleeping through all of this) when Kneesa's belly started growling and she wanted to go outside to eat grass.  Instead, in the darkness of our bedroom, I hand pick the big pieces of the "good" dog food out of her bowl and lay it on the bed for her to eat.  (We bought a new kind of Science Diet that she doesn't like so I mixed it with a yummy cheap brand from Kroger which she does like. Yes- my dog is high maintenance.)   So here I am, exhausted from feeding Cam to only hand feed Kneesa afterwards.  I believe it was close to 4-4:30a when I finally layed down awaiting the next joyful sound of that alarm.    Now, don't get me wrong.  I remember laying down at 4:30 thinking I couldn't be happier taking care of both of my babies, feeding them and satisfying their needs.  I think I even smiled.  But to feel the pure exhaustion the next day is frustrating at times.  I can not function properly without an adequate amount of sleep and no amount of coffee can do the trick.  When will I adjust to never getting good sleep again!?  Aren't mothers suppose to magically adjust to the lack of sleep!?  Maybe that magic mother fairy forgot to sprinkle the "no sleep" dust on my pillow.

I look forward to the day we get to drop the 2am feeding.  I'm hoping at Cam's 2mo appointment the doc will say to drop that one......ohhhh "4" you are the ban of my existence right now.   Please double soon and I might like you again.  

Posting comments to blogspot...HELP

OK all you followers and ones I'm following on blogspot....I've tried to post comments to your pages....and I've even tried to post a comment in regards to someones comment on my page (ie Danielle) but it will not let me.  It makes me choose "select profile" and I clicked the google account because isn't that the account we had to make to use this!?   Then it says that account is not authorized to post....WTH!   

Am I choosing the wrong "profile"?   I am logged in already so I'm not sure why I even have to choose an account. 

Please help this "blogger" illiterate, baby brain person over here!!

1 month old

August 16.......it all began. 

September 16.....we've hit 1 month!!! 


I haven't posted like I would have wanted so I'm trying to catch up. I apologize if I ramble.

What a ride thus far!!  Ups, downs, lack of sleep, changes......but it all equals the amazement, love and awe I feel toward this child of mine.  There are nights I'm ready to crawl in a hole because I'm so sleepy and I just don't want to wake up but all it takes is looking at that precious face to make everything better.  The cooing sound he makes while he's eating or when he's full.  The grin and new laugh he has picked up this week.  The way he fixates his eyes on the windows.  His poor little baby acne that comes and goes and the cradle cap that I keep picking at.  His manly "farts and burps".....or should I say his poor GI tract.  It could be what his momma is eating so I feel bad for the little dude.  He will be so peaceful then all of a sudden burst out in a red faced, scream with his legs kicked out and his belly tight as can be.  He is one gassy baby!!!  I enjoy just staring at him quite frankly.  He's gotten bigger, his personality is slowly showing and he's one awesome little dude.  It's hard to even put into words how it feels.  He has his daddy wrapped around his tiny, long finger, Kneesa gives him kisses, and mommy is still amazed.

1) Audiology
So at the hospital the doctor came by the room (while Cam was still gone for his hearing test) and told him that he failed the test and although common, needs to be referred to an audiologist.  I sat there, stunned, as he walked out of the room.  Well 15 minutes later, in walks Cam with the nurse and I burst out into tears.  I was so upset and starting thinking of everything I might have done to have caused this hearing issue.  The nurse explained it a bit more saying he failed the right and passed the left...then they redid the test and he passed the right, failed the left.  She said it's very common in c-sec babies due to fluid.  I felt SO much more relieved after that.  Then the discharge nurse was my saving grace, she told me that she put "pass overall" because she wouldn't even consider him failing.  We still were referred and I was ready for that day to end.  I started to wonder if that's why he sleeps through Kneesa's barking and while we're out at restaurants and such.....Thank goodness the audiologist retested him via the same test done at the hospital before doing the ABR 1hr + long test.  He passed both immediately!!!   What a relief!!!!! So if anyone experiences this, please don't freak out like I did.  I truly thought I did something to cause my child to be deaf, and although it wouldn't have mattered if he was....the stress from worrying is now over!!!  

2) His first bottle
So my goal is to breastfeed until he's 1 year old...or at least have enough saved (frozen) to stop around 8 months and use the frozen until he reaches 1yr.  I feel like a feeding machine!!!  Every 3 hours I nurse him, then pump....which takes about an hour....everyday all day.  Goodness.  No wonder I'm 5 weeks postpartum and only have 3-4lb left to go to hit my pre-pregnancy weight.  I haven't worked out or dieted either!!  Well I didn't want to introduce a bottle (with breast milk) until we had to.  The books suggest 2weeks so last week I pumped a bottle for Shannon to feed him.  I have to say it felt odd not the one feeding him, but at least it gives me a bit more freedom in regards to timing out the day.  He took it well and actually eats about all 4oz....little chunky monkey!!!!

This is my last week at home.  I start rotations back next week and he goes to daycare, at 6 weeks.  Shannon wants me to take the 4 weeks off, but I'm ready for a routine and to finish up school.  I keep going back and forth on what I want. 

its crazy to think it all happened only 2wk ago....

Well, 17 days ago I delivered Cameron.  It's crazy to think it was only 2 weeks ago.  The changes, healing, growth, education, and trial and error that takes place in the first 2 weeks after birth is amazing.  I'm still not happy I had to have the c-section, but I know I will eventually get over it.   I feel much better though and at my 2 week OB appointment, I lost most of my 'baby weight'.  I only have 10lb left to get to my pre-pregnancy weight!! WOOT WOOT!   I have been cleared to drive and walk but I still can't run, workout or carry heavy objects for another 4 weeks.  To watch Cam from day 1 to day 17 ......he now pulls his hand to his pacifier to try and hold it in his mouth although it doesn't work yet, it's cute to see him learning.  He will also turn onto his side.  We also think he has officially graduated to size 1 diapers already!!  He is peeing out of NB diapers constantly....they look like they still fit but it seems abnormal that just about every diaper causes him to pee onto his clothing, bedding, and such while the diaper is still on.  We are moving up a size!! 

He is sleeping much better now.  I'm the one that has to wake him up to eat every 3 hours at night because he's sleeping so well.  NOW....let me say he's sleeping well if he's in his swing or if you are holding him.  The bassinet and crib is a no-go.  But at least he is sleeping.  We probably won't transition into the crib until @ 2 months. 

It's been great having Shannon home for 3 weeks as well.  The adjustment has been much easier.  He goes back next week, so we'll see how it goes with just me, Kneesa and Cameron.  I'm still planning to return to rotations on Sept 26th.  I'd love 1-2 more weeks..but not 4 weeks which is what I'd have to take.  Shannon thinks I should take the 4 weeks but I just don't see it being overly beneficial except for the fact Cam would be 10 weeks instead of 6 weeks going into a daycare. 

He is a big pooper.  He will fart loudly and constantly.  It's almost comical to hear him.   And his facial expressions are priceless especially while he's sleeping.  It will go from a smile to an angry face within seconds.  

Looking forward to cherishing the next 4 weeks at home with my little man!!