I say all of that because in my head, I knew what I wanted. I hoped for a great pregnancy and I have to say I had one. It was very easy all 40 weeks minus those first few weeks prior to knowing I was pregnant when I was getting those terrible stomach pains. I never had any sickness, nausea, food aversions or any of that. There was the discomfort of being 40lb heavier all in my stomach so this basketball was in my way in regards to well but nothing to complain about and I had the occasional heartburn, but again nothing 2 tums or water wouldn't fix. The swelling did bother me enough to complain, but it was more of a social complaint to talk about because it looked gross, more than bothersome in an uncomfortable way.
Yes I will admit I thoroughly convinced myself I would have this child prior to 40 weeks because I did stay in shape, attended prenatal yoga weekly, walked Kneesa 2-3 miles a day, and ran 5K races every Saturday of the entire pregnancy (minus the very last race the doctor told me to walk because my blood pressure was creeping up). Boy was I wrong. HA. Cameron loved being in his close quarters aka my belly.
I was told numerous times how easy of a delivery I would have due to being in shape and again, I convinced myself the labor and delivery aspect would go smoothly so no need to make a birthing plan. I wanted a vaginal delivery, I wanted an epidural and I wanted a precious, healthy baby boy to show his face to the world. Well, I got 2 of the 3 so I guess I shouldn't be upset about anything. Cameron was not showing signs of making his appearance by 40 weeks and after Dr Butler did the fetal weight estimate saying he was around 8lb 5oz, he didn't want me to wait the 2 weeks after 40 to see if he came, SINCE I wanted a vaginal delivery so badly. He scheduled me to be induced the Tuesday after my 40wk appointment. He told me that induction increases the chances of having a c-section and given the fact that I was only about 40% effaced and my cervix was still posterior, I had a 50% chance of having a c-sec. I understood that, but I guess I didn't prepare myself for it because I was still convinced that all would happen vaginally once the process started. I did NOT want a c-section.
So Monday, 8-15 we had to be admitted to the hospital at 8pm to starting the process. I was given cytotec (to thin my membrane) at 10pm and again at 2am. Tuesday 6am, I was given Pitocin to start the uterine contractions. Dr. Butler was ready to break my water around 9am. Well.....about 9:10...I was asking for the epidural. I really thought I'd be ready for the pain and wait it out as long as possible. But boy did those contractions increase 10-fold once my water was broken. Shannon had to sit down because he felt sick after Dr. B broke my water. I think it was more of the pain and facial expressions I was making versus the actual water breaking. That didn't really hurt, it just felt like I was constantly peeing myself. So I got the epidural (which I was nervous about getting) by 10am...and when he checked me I was only 1cm!!!! OHHH Lordy!! I thought I would have been at least 5. But an hour later I was b/w 5-6cm. So, here we were at 11am and at the half-way point of dilation. I just knew this was going to go smoothly. All of our family was in the room with us and it was quite easy, I felt nothing. Well a few hours passed and I didn't move from the 6cm mark...so I started to get nervous Dr. Butler was right in regards to the c-sec. But @ 2pm, they checked me and I was at 8cm so I was relieved and started to get nervous too. (Let me add that my blood pressure never was good the entire time.....it was 168/100 when we got to the hospital Monday night--nervous I'm sure...and then it got up to 180/110 when the pain was bad before the epidural). So at 3pm....the nurse said I hadn't really changed much.....4pm I was now b/w 8 and 9...and by 5pm she said I was at 9cm and with just a lip that wouldn't move but hopefully I'll be pushing by 5:30pm because she could feel his head and we were getting close so she was going to call Dr. Butler. I was ecstatic!!!!!! The family left the room because Shannon & I were going to be the only ones in there for the delivery. The nurse walks in and says that Dr Butler wants to talk to me and would call but a c-section is high on the list right now. I was now CRUSHED!!! WHAT? I was just told I would be pushing soon......I could feel everything inside me start to shut down....I wanted to scream, cry and go home....I didn't want this to happen. The phone rings.....he says that when a woman hits 8cm...things should move quickly until its time to push but that mine has taken @ 3 hours and with the lip still present, he doesn't think it's going to happen. He said he would call it failure to descent and given my high blood pressure, the fever that I got 2 hours ago (low grade) and the fact it's been a few hours at the 8-9cm.....he would go for a c-sec. I could feel the tears and tried to blink them away...I asked what if we waited an hour...or a few...but he said his honest medical answer would be a c-sec due to the circumstances. I did not want to make that decision. I wanted someone else to tell me....but he couldn't. I talked to Shannon...and he wanted me to make the decision as well.....but I could see the fear in his eye in regards to surgery. I knew I had to tell the nurse my answer.......and I agreed to have the c-section. Everything I wanted went out the door....I was so against this surgery. I just wanted God's natural hand to take over and make Cameron come out. They gave Shannon his clothing gear and started to wheel me to the OR. The minute I was transferred to the operating table, I lost it. I started crying uncontrollably. This seemed like a failure to me and I'm not sure why but I just didn't want to have a c-sec for him to arrive. Dr. Butler is a wonderful man and knew instantly what I was thinking and his exact words were "this is not a failure, you are not a failure, things happen and given how short you are, we knew it was a high probability you'd have to have one...just think about your precious baby boy you're about to have and if you have a smaller baby next time, I'd be OK with you having a VBAC" and I KNEW he was right...I knew that the only thing that really mattered was holding Cameron and him being healthy. I knew that.....but I couldn't help but be upset, mad, scared b/c I've never had a surgery .....they pumped me full of fluids and more epidural so then the shaking started.....so not only was I crying during the entire prepping process but I was shaking. They bring Shannon in and I can barely see him because they wrapped towels around my arms and head to hold the heat in due to my shaking. I didn't know if he knew I was crying at that point......but he held my hand the entire time. Of course it only took 10 minutes for Cameron's arrival. I knew the process, I've watched a few of them so I walked myself through what they were doing......and when I heard the cry, I burst out in tears again. The overwhelming happiness of his arrival on top of still being upset about the c-sec and I'm sure hormones too..... Well they took Shannon out of the room to the nursery with Cam while I was getting sewn up. Shannon was crying in the nursery while they were doing all the tests on him and here I'm in the OR crying. Lordy!! What an emotional, yet awesome thing that just happened. The birth of our child. Dr Butler and the anesthesiologist hugged me and said encouraging words. They were so great during the surgery. Cameron Kenneth Hord weighed 8lb 2oz and was 20 3/4" long. He was healthy, beautiful and wonderful!!! He was our baby boy!!!
Things worth (or maybe not worth) remembering during our hospital stay:
*the quick onset of painful contractions after my water was broke
*the effects of the epidural (not being able to lift my leg)
*my high blood pressure (my norm is usually 110/68)
*the awesome staff and service
*the csec experience- crying, shaking, feeling nauseous after he gave me some med, the towels around my head, the sound of Cameron's first cry
*the effects of one of the csec meds in post-op....Shannon & I heard a noise but didn't know what it was (coming from me) and low and beyond the nurse came in and I had pooped myself! Awesome...here I have a csec and don't defecate on the table during delivery but instead I'm still completely numb and recovering and a nurse has to clean me up while I'm helpless on the bed
*the healing process of getting to 9cm in labor as well as having a c-section surgery
We were in the hospital until Friday afternoon. The staff was awesome. Today is Sunday and we are just trying to figure out routines, sleep patterns, and what we do and don't know. It seems our boy has his days and nights switched. He will sleep like a log for 2-3 hours increments easily during the day but once the midnight hour hits.....we're good to get him to sleep for 1 hour increments unless you hold him while he sleeps. But to watch his facial expressions or to see him sleep peacefully on my chest....is a wonderful experience in our new world of parenthood.
Kneesa is adjusting. She was so excited to see us when we got home and just wanted to lick Cameron. She still does but doesn't know her limits because she will pounce to get to him or try to walk on my belly which is too sore for that. So we see her pouting a bit but she's curious and kisses him so that's better than ignoring or growling!!!
I hear of other girls being in labor for 15-22 hours and while that sounds terrible, I wonder and probably always will wonder ...what if. What if I told Dr. Butler I wanted to wait it out.....would 5 more hours just caused stress on me and Cameron....or would I have delivered him vaginally by then? Who knows. No one does and no one will. It bothers me still and I just don't know why. Maybe because I'm still healing and I can't do much at home which drives me crazy. It's hard to get on/off the couch/bed....I can't lift anything heavier than Cameron and I have to be easy.....so there goes my morning walks with Kneesa, playing tug with her, cleaning up the house.....UGGGGG. I'm not one to sit around. Shannon has been great during all of it and is doing everything he can...but it's hard with all this being so new to us, to Kneesa and to Cameron yet I'm useless for a few weeks.
I'm still a bit numb right around my incision area. I guess that's normal.
I'll post a new blog with all my good pictures from Whitney once I get them. She took belly, hospital and newborn pictures!!!!
Sorry all the pictures below are in a crazy order.... Mommy, daddy, Cameron, Kneesa plus all his aunts and uncles and grandparents!
Im so sorry your birth plan didn't go like you wanted. Mine didn't either. I guess it's just preparing us for things not going according to plan in the future. Cameron is a doll and so totally worth all the ups and downs!!!!
ReplyDeleteBless your heart! Of course all that matters is that you have a healthy baby but I know you must have been a tad disappointed. I would never consider it or you a failure though! Some bodies are just not built for that and that's certainly no fault of yours. He's beautiful, Kristen! Congratulations!
ReplyDeleteYou are certainly not a failure in the L&D department!! I felt like that initially as I was getting my epidural, but quickly learned that sometimes you have to do what you have to have a healthy baby (and Mama!!).
ReplyDeleteIf it helps, I delivered vaginally and had many of the same restrictions the first few weeks ... I wasn't doing any of the things you mentioned, I don't think any new Mom is able to do much of that. Be patient and give yourself time to heal, you'll be out and feeling like you have a sense of normalcy in no time at all.
He's gorgeous and has fantastic parents!! Congratulations and enjoy every minute!!