Terrible Mom moment...

So I finally had a "terrible mom" moment a few weeks ago....or should I say, the time came and I'm sure it will come again, but it might have been the worse feeling in the world.

It was Tuesday (12/13) during my Surgery rotation week, which meant I was in clinic all day.  A typical 9-5 day full of pre- and post- op patients, no worries, right!?  I dropped Cam off at daycare around 8:30a....so given the 10 hour rule, I knew he needed to be picked up by 6:30, but that was OK...because I'm usually done with my clinic days by 4:30-5p and daycare closes at 6pm.  Well, it just so happened, that Dr. Page was on-call this Tuesday and said we would round on patients right when we started (when I got there that morning) as well as at the end of the day.  He even said that I didn't have to round with him, if I didn't want to.  But my overzealous self, was more than thrilled to do rounds with him.  I love learning.  I love that I'm in love with the medical field.  I love that I chose to make a HUGE career change, even though it required me to go "balls to the walls" back to school.  (Yes, I just used that quote....don't hate!).

So, the day ended and off to the hospital we went.  I was enjoying my time, but knew I had to pick Cam up since Mon and Tues are days that Shannon commutes to Louisville. It just wasn't setting in, that there was a correlation between me leaving work and picking up Cam BEFORE daycare closed at 6pm.  I was even showing a fellow friend pictures of Cam 15min prior to this episode, so it's not like I "forgot" about him.  I guess working in the hospital makes you forget the time, since it never closes.  IDK.  

Well, I get a text from Shannon saying he was just leaving Lville, heading home.  Well, I texted back saying I was still at work.   He writes "where's Cam" and I wrote back, just as nonchalant as ever, "still at daycare" (thinking, "well duh, where would he be, if we're both working")....then he calls me.....my heart starts racing because everything starts to surface...he "informs" me (for lack of better words...) that it is 6:05 and daycare closed at 6:00 and our son was still there and its like $5 per minute we're late.  I hang up, flustered, heart pounding, emotions running wild....I start to think how terrible I am for not paying more attention to the time and for leaving Cam at daycare that long.....then the tears start....I look at my preceptor (who is waiting for me to go see our next patient) and start crying, saying I'm a terrible mother and have to go.....he got the jest and was very nice and told me to go.  I cried the entire way to get Cam.....it was an emotional drive, which felt like a lifetime.    I kept telling myself, "I didn't forget about him, I just didn't think I was pushed for time" .....I guess I honestly thought I had all the time in the world, and that the daycare doesn't close.  I think, I am definitely my own worse enemy.  But, by the time I got there, it was 6:30 and the manager and his lead specialist were waiting in the lobby with him.  I burst through the doors, in tears, of course, reaching for him.  He was smiling and having a good ole time with Ms. Nekisa.  Didn't seem too bothered by the fact, he had been there for 10 hours and that I was late and that the daycare had closed.

THANK GOODNESS he is too young to realize all that.  The next morning, my preceptor said, "oh don't worry, this is just the first of many "terrible mom' moments.....so get ready"

How in the world am I going to ever "get ready" for moments like that!?!  It was a terrible, terrible, terrible, draining 30 minutes for me.  What's going to happen when I truly do "forget" him at school one day......  I guess this is the first of many motherhood moments....